You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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