my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize