Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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