So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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