I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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