There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
