I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
COCAINE IS GR8
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
