I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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