im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
honey bunches of taint.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
