He kissed a someone with a penis
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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