Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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