Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
