Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
