Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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