I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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