Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You ruined the universe
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
