Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
