It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
