My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize