I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
