And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
