At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
