Just fell off a train. Bad.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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