I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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