You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
