Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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