She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
