I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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