Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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