whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
