There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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