that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
