I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
