New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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