don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
