Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
