Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
