I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
