I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
