I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize