Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
