It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize