I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
