My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize