a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
