As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
