ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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