chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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