the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
