What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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