I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
