What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think I won the penis lottery.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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