There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize