From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
