my room smells like sperm. sweet.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
