May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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