You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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