I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
