Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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