If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
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