no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
