the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
