We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
