Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
