Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
