I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
