she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize