you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
