I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
