take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
