Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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