Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
