these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
