Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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