Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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