Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
