STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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