Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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