I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
